Masked Heroes Join Battle to Save World from Broccoli Destruction!!!

Saturday, October 16, 2004 Posted: 4:53 p.m. EDT (20:53 GMT)

Huntsville, Alabama (CNN) -- Tater tot crusaders spotted by vulnerable crowd of astonished, unarmed citizens!

It was just an ordinary afternoon in Huntsville. Then, suddenly, without any warning, in what seemed like only the blink of an abysmally hurried eye, Batman Beyond and Makuta entered the grounds, leaped over some shrubs, and scaled a wall, and boy did they look Magnum P.O.'d!

The embarrassed Police Commissioner said if officers at the scene had judged the dynamic duo to be terrorists they would have been shot on sight. The only thing that saved the heroes was a split-second decision that they weren't a threat. The commissioner said he himself made that decision when Batman yelled, "Don't be afraid. We mean you no harm! We are only here to demand more tater tots...less broccoli...for all kids...uh...citizens, I mean."

As the crowd below gathered, Makuta exclaimed, "Any crank case can be judged with a ski lodge, but it takes a real buzzard to slyly shave pudding with an overripe sandwich!" Batman, looking bewildered, remarked, "Holy hip waders, Makuta--the randometer just went off the scale!" Then, as it became increasingly clear that their mission had been accomplished, they both bounded across the roof and into the groping fingers of the night.

Joe and Jodi Get Hitched!!!

Saturday, July 24, 2004 Posted: 10:30 AM EST (???? GMT)

After months of rumors, heartthrob Joe Crubaugh and darling diva Jodi Lasseter tied the knot at a private creekside ceremony in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. It was the second marriage for each.  Helicopters buzzed overhead for days before the event, but airspace was restricted over the site during the actual ceremony. Entertainment reporters and paparazzi who had been staking out the site for days were kept away by tight security.

The bride and groom hoped to keep their marriage date a secret, but finally publicists admitted that the weekend was on.

Lasseter wore a strapless organza ivory gown. Crubaugh wore a navy pinstripe suit. Nobody was invited to the ceremony. A bidding war immediately erupted to secure the exclusive rights to the superstar nuptials, with the couple vowing to give the money to charity.

The couple spent their honeymoon touring the beautiful city of Savannah, Georgia.

Return of the King

Saturday, October 25, 2003 Posted: 11:59 PM EST (2230 GMT)

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Elvis had this advice: "Eat all your meatloaf everyday, and listen to ya' momma, baby."

Huntsville, Alabama (CNN) -- Elvis, the king of rock 'n' roll, was spotted by many in Huntsville, Alabama, Saturday night.

After not making an appearance for 8 years, Elvis came out of the Witness Relocation Program long enough to party at the third annual Dead Elvis Halloween Party. Due to advances in secret government cloning technology, there were more than one of his bad self in town.

Texas is pretty hot

Tuesday, June 24, 2003 Posted: 11:30 PM EST (2230 GMT)

Austin, Texas (BBC) -- The temperatures can easily crawl over a hundred degrees in the live music capital of the world. 

The good news is that Austin has plenty of ways to cool off, like wading in the year-round 68-degree water flowing out of Barton Springs to riding a tube on the lake. And did I mention Margarita! Margarita! Margaritaaaaaaaaaa!

Check out the photos here: Austin Trip

Latest Joe's Page redesign wows world

Tuesday, January 28, 2003 Posted: 11:00 PM EDT (0300 GMT)

The reclusive Crubaugh says his global Internet interests began as a child when he played cello with gangs on the streets of Tupelo, Mississippi.

LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) – Joe's Page is heading into an era of "unconstrained psychotic illusion," Joe's Page Chairman and Chief Architect Joseph W. Crubaugh said here Wednesday.

As the old look falls away, appearances based on XIS (Extensive Inconsequent Substance) will take over. "Like electrons and other particles forming a quantum geyser out of a fountain, sustaining a constant influx from the implicate order."

Whatever the overall sentiment, "cool" apparently is a descriptive that the preview brought to mind. James Kirk Schnothammer, an advertisement executive with Sony in St. Paul, Minnesota, was wowed by the "thinking pasta" technology used in the new site.

"I thought the 'thinking with pasta' demonstration was very cool, that was definitely worth listening to," said Schnothammer, who also thought it was "interesting" that Crubaugh brought out representatives of companies that Joe's Page has joint projects with, indicating the company is "working with the whole industry and not trying to stomp on the little people."