Since President Bush took office, the number of Americans being secretly wiretapped has increased dramatically. Honest citizens are having their financial records reviewed by the government, and the society Orwell wrote about in 1984 isn’t just around the corner anymore; it was here yesterday.

Luckily, the world population is quickly approaching 7 billion. Sure, that means food and resources are getting harder to come by, and the environment is shot to hell. But, it also means it should be getting easier to blend in. Why? Because there’s more people that look like you!

Finding Your Double

With 6.8 billion people in the mix, everybody has a twin somewhere.

The French refer to your look-alike as “sosie.” The Germans use the term “doppelganger” which really means sort of an evil twin that causes bad luck when encountered. Americans just shrug their shoulders and use the phrase “separated at birth.”

Joe Mulder

Lately, I’ve been watching a lot of X-Files episodes, and my 2-year-old daughter thinks Mulder is actually Daddy (for those who don’t realize yet that the two pictures here are actually two different people, that’s Mulder (David Duchovny) on the left, and me on the right ;-)) Anyway, I can’t think of any of the spies in Homeland Security that even approach the intelligence of my 2-year-old daughter, so I’m sure they think they’re collecting information and spying on an FBI employee, not moi.

Joe Gilligan

I’ve also been told I look like Bob Denver. Personally, I think being compared to David Duchovny is a lot cooler than being compared to Gilligan, but then I haven’t seen David Duchovny in a white bucket hat, either.

By the way, was Gilligan his first name, or his surname? The world may never know. As for the rest of the castaways, their names were:

• Jonas Grumby (the Skipper)
• Roy Hinkley (the Professor)
• Thurston Howell III (Mr. Howell)
• “Lovey” Howell (Mrs. Howell)
• Ginger Grant (Ginger)
• Mary Ann Summers (Mary Ann)

Joe Cruise

More than once, somebody has commented that I sort of look like Tom Cruise in an out-of-the-corner-of-their-eye sort of way, but I’m pretty suspicious it’s just their way of trying to politely tell me I’m short?

(Yeah, the photo is Photoshopped…me and Cruise aren’t really that tight, especially since Suri arrived…)

Joe Elvis

One good thing to keep in mind: if society really goes Orwellian, and the secret police roll into your neighborhood, just remember that anybody can hide in Las Vegas, baby!

So, who’s your double?

Read More: x files episodes, David Duchovny, Orwell

Monday was the deadline for former Bush advisor Karl Rove to agree to voluntarily testify under oath about his involvement in sending former Alabama Governor Don Siegelman to prison.

Siegelman, the Democratic Governor of Alabama from 1999 through 2003, was convicted in 2006 on corruption charges. But it’s how he got convicted that’s interesting…

While Siegelman was governor, the U.S. Justice Department targeted him with multiple investigations that went on year after year until, finally, a jury convicted Siegelman of bribery. He was then sentenced to seven years in prison.

Recently, Siegelman was released pending appeal while a House Judiciary Committee investigates the matter. The House Judiciary Committee wants to know whether Karl Rove ordered Siegelman targeted for prosecution in order to kill any chance of the Democratic governor from getting re-elected. The committee has asked Karl Rove to testify under oath.

But anonymous sources have cited 10 Reasons why Karl Rove won’t testify…

Top 10 Reasons Karl Rove Won’t Testify Under Oath

10. He doesn’t have to, because after failing to get a degree at the University of Utah, the University of Texas-Austin, and George Mason University in Virginia, he’s going to enroll again at…wait a minute, that’s Top 10 Ways Karl Rove Dodged the Draft…

9. If he takes the stand, there’s a hundred percent chance he’ll commit perjury, because Karl Rove can’t open his mouth without telling a lie.

8. Doesn’t want to risk revealing the secret reinforced concrete apartment beneath his basement where he worships a huge cache of Nixon memorabilia.

7. Afraid opposing council “fishing” will expose his addiction to freebasing massive quantities of cheese grits.

6. Rove doesn’t want to admit that it was he who swiped Hillary’s fuchsia pumps with the clear heels, and he’s terrified of having to give them back.

5. Justice can wait; Rove has to attend Mariah’s Six Flags wedding reception first.

4. If it doesn’t involve getting soused and rapping, Rove isn’t interested.

3. Rove doesn’t like the way he looks wearing orange, ankle cuffs, and picking up trash along the highway.

2. 1st Rule: You do not talk about what goes on in Bush Club. 2nd Rule: You do NOT talk about what goes on in Bush Club.

And the number one reason Karl Rove won’t be testifying is…

1. Can’t afford to drive over to the courthouse because the price of gas is so freakin’ high!

Read More: Karl Rove, Governor Don Siegelman, House Judiciary Committee, corruption charges, bribery, Justice Department

“A printed card means nothing except that you are too lazy to write to the woman who has done more for you than anyone in the world. And candy! You take a box to Mother — and then eat most of it yourself. A pretty sentiment!” ~Anna Jarvis, the woman who campaigned for seven years to make “Mother’s Day” a recognized holiday in the U.S.

Anna Jarvis began celebrating Mother’s Day in 1907, two years after her dearly beloved mother died. On the second Sunday in May, she called together friends and family to commemorate the death of her mother, Ann Maria — a tireless peace activist. Jarvis also asked everyone to wear white carnations, which were her mother’s favorite flower.

A year later, Anna asked the officials of her church in Grafton, West Virginia, if they could set aside a Sunday to honor all mothers. The church agreed. Things snowballed, and in 1914 President Woodrow Wilson declared Mother’s Day a national holiday.

But, only a few years later, Anna Jarvis changed her mind.

Promoting Peace, Not Greeting Cards

Jarvis quickly grew embittered at the way Americans commercialized the holiday she’d worked so hard to found. The original Mother’s Day was centered around Jarvis’s own mother’s social activism and had more to do with protesting war and promoting peace and pacifism than appreciating mothers.

Contrary to the yearly anti-war promotion of peace which Anna Jarvis had envisioned to honor her mother, America became infatuated with buying chocolates, flowers, and greeting cards.

Jarvis, along with her sister, spent her family inheritance campaigning against the holiday. On November 24, 1948, the founder of Mother’s Day died childless, blind, and in poverty.

So, in deference to the wishes of Mrs. Anna Jarvis, here’s a salute to all mothers today, but especially to the mothers whose children have been killed and mamed fighting for natural resources in a foreign country so that Halliburton and ExxonMobil CEOs can turn million dollar salaries, and so that the rest of us can drive an SUV thirty miles to work each day. Your courage and sacrifice is commendable.

Read More: Mother’s Day, Anna Jarvis, pacifism, peace activist, anti-corporate activism

Note: Because La Sirena said her entire blogroll should consider themselves tagged by the Five Favorite Songs meme (after she was tagged by ParisianCowboy, who was tagged by Indie Rocker Revolution, who was tagged by…you know, keep following this and you’ll find the pot of gold at the end of the Internet…), and because I’m bending the rules too, here are five of my favorite Beatle songs…

Lady Madonna

When the Beatles entered Abbey Road Studios on February 3, 1968, Paul McCartney had recently read a National Geographic article featuring a picture of an African woman suckling her kid with the caption “Mountain Madonna.” McCartney was also nursing an itch to write something with a Fats Domino boogie-woogie piano feel to it. What emerged was Lady Madonna, and yes, that IS Paul singing the lead on this one.

A few nights later, Paul, John, and George all stood around the microphone and recorded the horn solo in the middle of the song, except instead of playing real horns, they cupped their hands and immitated a three-part horn arrangement with their own voices. Later in the evening, on the spur of the moment, they called up a few real saxophone players to add the final touch to the record.

Lady Madonna was released as a single a little over a month later. And later in the same year? Fats Domino recorded the song he helped inspire, and had his own hit with it.

Listen: Lady Madonna.

Happiness Is a Warm Gun

Famous for its ambiguous lyrics, both Lennon and McCartney have claimed it as their favorite song from The Beatles (the white album.) Scores and scores of fans agree.

But…what to make of the lyrics? Are they an extended metaphor about sex? Or shooting heroin? Or are they literally about a guy who feels happy when he’s holding a warm rifle in his arms, who feels safe when his finger is on the trigger of that firearm he so dearly loves?

John Lennon wrote the song — actually three separate songs he’d merged into one by the time he brought it into the studio. As if three different songs weren’t enough to cram into a 2 minute - 43 second track, John arranged the music to frequently switch between 4/4, 3/4, and even 6/8 time signatures. It sounds like a mess on paper, but through the speakers, it’s a concise piece of genius.

As for the lyrics: in the book, The Beatles Anthology, John Lennon says it’s a story of three people:

The lilting first section is about an old woman. According to Beatles PR man Derek Taylor, when Lennon was stuck for lyrics for this section, he asked everybody to shout out random things in the studio. Taylor supplied the line, “a lizard on a windowpane,” which made it into the song. The line about the man with “multicolored mirrors on his hobnail boots” referred to a real newspaper account of a pervert who wore mirrors on his boots to look up women’s dresses. The man whose hands were busy working overtime referred to another news item about a pickpocket. And those in England know what most Americans don’t: “making a donation to the National Trust” is a euphamism for taking a dump in the park.

The anxious, fast-paced second section is about a junkie. And what of “Mother Superior”? Well…whether it’s a religious dress, or needle marks, nuns and junkies both wear their habits, don’t they?

The 1950s doo-wop sendup third section is about a man who loves his gun (no metaphor intended.) The boys stayed in the studio from 7 PM till 5 AM finishing off the track, and adding the hillarious “bang, bang, shoot, shoot” backing vocals, sung by John, Paul, and George.

More from Lennon’s 1970 Rolling Stone interview:

I think [producer George Martin] showed me a cover of a magazine that said ‘Happiness Is a Warm Gun.’ It was a gun magazine. I just thought it was a fantastic, insane thing to say. A warm gun means you just shot something.

Who knows…maybe Lennon thought somebody who finds happiness in a spent gun is more depraved than perverts or heroin addicts.

Listen: Happiness Is A Warm Gun.

Martha My Dear

Paul McCartney had a sheepdog named Martha. He wrote a song to his dog. Great song, fantastic arrangement. Nuff said.

Listen: Martha My Dear.

A Day in the Life

On December 18, 1966, Tara Browne, a young aristocrat and acquaintance of Paul and John, drove his Lotus Elan through South Kensington at high speed, possibly under the influence of drugs, and proceeded through a red traffic light at the junction of Redcliffe Square and Redcliffe Gardens, then slammed into a parked car and died instantly.

A month later, John Lennon recorded the first verse of A Day in the Life, loosely based on the newspaper account of his friend’s accident. To fill in the second verse, he referenced another article about potholes from the January 17th, 1967 Daily Mail:

There are 4000 holes in the road in Blackburn Lancashire, one twenty-sixth of a hole per person, according to a council survey.

There was another article about the Royal Albert Hall in the same paper.

Needing a middle to the song, Paul added a little reverie about his youth school days, waking up, sneaking a smoke on the bus to school.

But, they still couldn’t figure out how to connect Lennon’s two end pieces to McCartney’s middle. So, finally, they pretty much had an entire orchestra go crazy for 24 measures.

The masterpiece was capped off by all the Beatles humming an E major chord. But, then, they didn’t think it had enough punch, so they brought in 3 pianos and, at the same moment, Lennon, McCartney, Ringo Starr, and studio hand Mal Evans all played one of the most famous chords in music history.

Listen: A Day in the Life.

Golden Slumbers/Carry That Weight/The End

At his father’s Liverpool home, McCartney spotted sheet music left on the piano by his stepsister Ruth. The sheet music was for a lullaby-styled poem written by Thomas Dekker. McCartney couldn’t read music, so he put his own tune to the words.

Carry That Weight has been interpreted as carrying the weight of keeping the supergroup together, carrying the weight of being the one blamed for the breakup, and carrying the weight of being a Beatle for the rest of their lives.

Perhaps realizing it was indeed the end, the band persuaded Ringo to record his only ever drum solo to kick off The End, then launched into three rounds of successive guitar solos by Paul, George, and John. Although the Beatles came back to the studio to record individual overdubs, The End marked the last time all four of them recorded together as a group.

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

Listen: Golden Slumbers / Carry That Weight / The End.

P.S. If you made it this far, consider yourself tagged; what’s your five favorite songs?

Read More: The Beatles, Lady Madonna, Happiness Is A Warm Gun, Martha My Dear, A Day in the Life, Golden Slumbers, Carry That Weight, The End, John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, Ringo Starr

On Monday, Iranian envoy Ali Asghar Soltanieh said Iran would not submit to nuclear inspections while other countries refused to even sign the Nuclear Non-proliferation Treaty(NPT). He said this in Geneva, Switzerland, at a meeting of representatives of the 190 countries who HAVE signed the NPT, including Iran.

Fact check: There’s only about 194 countries in the world.

So, which 4 countries haven’t been able to find the time to sign the NPT since it was invented forty years ago to curb the growth of nuclear weapons?

Read the rest at Mortal Spin.